It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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