I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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