I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
