ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
...so i touched it.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
