so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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