when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
