some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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