Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
