i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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