Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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