I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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