Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
