Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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