I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
