Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
