i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
