I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
