just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
