Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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