I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
