and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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