My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
