ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she smelled like a LAN party
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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