he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
