She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
please don't ironically join a cult
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