Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
