dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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