my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
