im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It was a blind-side dick pic.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
