im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
