woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
