I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
