I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
