So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
