I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
