You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
