Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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