the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Houston, we have a squirter
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
