your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
