Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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