hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
