Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
