I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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