I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
