It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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