OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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