remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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