Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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