I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
