I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
