Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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