just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
