Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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