Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
