420 ftw
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
