i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
