I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
