The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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