Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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