is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
