i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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