walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
