I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
