His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
