I need help removing her.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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