He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
