I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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