When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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