i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
