see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
