I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize