I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
