Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
