I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
