I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
