so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
And then he peed in my hair
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