Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
