Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
