Dual....:-)
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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