Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize