Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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