Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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