Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize