I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
