Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
