so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
