She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
