oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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