I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
