Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
