Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
