did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
