the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
