We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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