Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
