lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
